help understanding step family situation?
I’ve been with my husband for 4 years. This is a second marriage for both of us. I have two sons, 12 and 10 and my husband has a daughter, 8, all who live with us full time. My family has excepted my new daughter without question. She receives the same christmas and birthday gifts as my sons do. The problem I have is with my husband’s family.
On our daughter’s 8th birthday I threw a party. Everyone in my husband’s family declined to attend. A few days later I received an invitation in the mail to our own daughter’s b-day party, being thrown by my husband’s aunts. I had to work, but my husband took all 3 children to the party. The amount of gifts was overwhelming. Easily more than 0 had been spent in total.
This summer I called my husband’s aunt (seems to be one aunt in charge of everything) I told her I’d like to plan a Bday party for my son’s, (who’s bdays are 2 days apart) that the family could attend and asked for her help. She called back a week later to tell me it just was not possible and they would all just send a card. They each received cash and a walmart gift card. Total. That was it.
This Sunday we attended the Bday party of yet another child in the family. His gifts easily would have totaled over 0.
My sons are not stupid and can easily see the favoritism. The same thing happens at Christmas time, they all get the same number of gifts, but it’s like comparing a handful of hotwheels cars to a Barbie Dream House.
Again, my family has treated my stepdaughter exactly the same as the others since day one.
I am very hurt by all of this. I would love to know if this is "normal" behavior or if I just need to be grateful for what they do for our daughter and not worry that our sons are treated differently.
My heart goes out to you. I’ve successfully reached the "end of the road" (not that it ever really ends) in successfully raising four children in a blended family (2 of mine, 2 of his). Not easy, and lots of drama! We also have full custody. If your husband’s family wants to favor his bio-daughter, then so be it. There’s really nothing you can do about it. But do let your sons know how weird you think that side of the family can be. They should know that you will always be kind to your husband’s family, but you personally would never treat extended family members unequally. There are a lot of petty people in this world, and it sounds like your husband’s family isn’t willing to embrace your two sons as family members. But hang in there – be the best mother you can be. Our four kids are doing great because if nothing else they always knew they could count on my husband and I.
definitely not normal. Its rude and childish. How dare they do that to your kids. That needs to stop and im upset with your husband for letting this continue and not saying anything. Can you confront the inlaws and ask them whats going on and your uncomfortable with whats been going on and your kids are feeling hurt by their actions. Tell them you wonna fix this but first you need to know the problem.
I’m not an expert, but when I see a family that has other children from past relationships, that’s usually what happens. I would just try to slip some words to your husband about it, and see if he could talk to them about and let them know you both want each of your children treated the same way.
Well seeing your situation and reading what they give to your step daughter and what they don’t give to your son’s it definitely is favoritism. What I would do is talk to your husband about your feelings, tell him how you think it’s not fair and what you see wrong with what they are doing. One thing you want to avoid is to over react and start to not attend their parties, maybe you could ask your step daughter’s aunt if there is a time they could attend just a simple family get together. If they are unable to do so then there is a problem. Just remember try talking it out with your husband first tell him you want his help and that you really don’t care about the gifts it’s just that his side of the family treats your kids different…hope this helps
I certainly hope that this isn’t "normal" behavior. It is certainly unkind and unfair. I think perhaps you need to let your husband handle this, not you. If I were him I would let it be known to my family that either they treat all of the children as close to the same as possible or you guys will not be participating in such future events. I don’t really see a good outcome of this, however. Probably no matter what you guys do it will just cause bad feelings. Anyway, I wish you the best in dealing with these unkind and unloving people.